A Wizard's Tale, day by day

13th December. I fear that my absolute excitement, and uneasable desperation will destroy any literacy skills I have during this post. I don’t know of any language techniques or shit that will make it easier for me to express how unbelievably fucking excited I am. I’ve seen the trailers too many times. I’ve even listened to parts of the soundtrack. I need to be there already. In the cinema watching The Hobbit: an unexpected journey for the first, second, third, fourth,… Time. Ahhhhhh!

“On a scale of 1-10, how much will you be drinking tonight?”

1. “I’ll drink the pint that comes with my meal”
2. Sociable
3. Party
4. Guaranteed Hangover
5. Assaulting inanimate objects
6. Weymouth(*)
7. Lime Cricket(**)
8. Wake up in the middle of nowhere
9. Wesley(***)
10. “I’m never drinking again, I’ve broken my liver.

Disclaimer: cannot guarantee the same results for every person, your alcohol fuelled experiences may very from that of others.

*Weymouth was the shortest way to describe one particular night involving everything from Nerf Ball on the beach to a lap dance. Ending on being refused entry to a nightclub for ‘having had too much’. 
**Lime Cricket is the most politically correct way of describing a night out involving a visitation to a (previously drinking with you) mate’s house and “windmilling” him when he answers the door in the early hours of the morning, then proceeding to play Cricket in his kitchen using a Lime whilst he has sex upstairs.
***Watch American Pie: Beta House. 

Nothing in the world has quite the same capacity to remove your mind from everything else in the world.

I think it has been far too long since I’ve enjoyed, or at least participated in, a round of golf. Time to clear my mind. Today I can forget everything. I can forget my A levels. I can forget work. I can forget girls. I can forget friends. A few hours of just me, walking around chasing a tiny ball only to hit it away from me again. 

“To find a man’s true character, play golf with him.” - P.G. Wodehouse